Card Denied
by Twisted Flame
Summary: When Grace's new security system turns on her and locks the gang in her office, how will they cope?
1. Chapter 1

"Will, I wanna show you this."

"Grace, I don't know. Can't I come by after work? I've got this case I'm working on…"

The redhead didn't loosen her grip on Will's arm, dragging him closer to her office. Will hung back reluctantly, dragging his feet on the sidewalk. Grace's grip was unrelenting and his shoes didn't have the grip to fight her. This was what you got for buying Italian shoes, he thought. They looked great and they went with his new suit and they were suitably expensive for a lawyer but they offered little resistance when you were being dragged along on rain-slicked paving slabs in New York by your quite-possibly psychotic best friend.

They reached the street her office was situated on and Will stopped whatever effort he'd been making to struggle. They were here now. He rolled his eyes and Grace let go of his arm to fumble around in her purse.

Will did a double-take. "Is that a new purse?"

"Uh-huh. I got is yesterday. You like?"

"I approve. How come you didn't take me shopping with you?"

Grace looked up from rummaging in her purse. "It's a sad day when a girl can't choose a purse without her gay best friend to help model them."

"It's never stopped you before."

Grace cocked her head to one side and flicked her eyebrows up, agreeing. "True. Dammit! Where is that key?"

Finally she pulled out a card from the deep dark recesses of her bag and waved it in Will's face with flourish. Will stepped back a little, blinking at the small card with a dark magnetic stripe running down the centre. He folded his arms across his chest, thinking longingly of drinking coffee in his office and getting a start on some of those cases.

"What are you going to do? Charge our entry to your office to your credit card?"

"No, watch this." Grace swiped the card through a small reader mounted on the wall next to the door to her office. Will blinked just as the light flashed green to red and then back again. Grace squealed as the door clicked and opened it by pushing on the frosted glass pane, showing Will inside.

"Very nice, Grace," Will said, obviously impressed as he walked through the door, admiring the doorframe which was now made of steel.

"I know! And look!" She walked through the door, ushered Will forward and turned, swiping the card through the reader on the other side. She closed the door and swiped the card and the light went red. The door clicked and locked itself. Grace gave it a round of.

She took a handful of Will's coat and dragged him across the room to the window at the back of her office.

"Hey, hey, hey! Watch the coat!" He began straightening the creases out in his sleeve as Grace swiped her new toy through a similar reader to the one on the door and then yanked the window upwards.

She took a deep drag of the city air in through her nose and then dissolved into a coughing fit. "Okay, last time I'm going to open that," she choked, fumes stinging her nasal passage as she slammed the pane down and locked it using the card.

She then crossed the room to the service elevator behind Karen's desk and gestured to the reader there as well. She swiped and the wooden door raised itself. She swiped again and it closed. She smiled before tossing the cardkey onto Karen's desk.

"Okay, Grace. I get it. You swipe, you get a power rush." The lawyer paused. "Do you think that you're now in the mind of Karen as she hands over her credit card at Barneys?"

"Oh, God no. I mean, where are the assistants to insult? And if you put a match to my blood, it would pose no fire hazard whatsoever."

Will smiled. "What's with the heavy-duty security anyway, Grace? Afraid someone's going to come in and steal your swatches?"

Grace rolled her eyes. "No. It's just you know what happened on the third floor? That guy broke into the office and moved all of the furniture around." She crossed the room to the coffeemaker and began busying herself with making a fresh pot.

"So you're protecting yourself from a Feng Shui nut?"

"Don't joke Will. You don't know what could happen if the… the… thing was adjusted."

"Chi?"

"No thanks, I just had breakfast. But you know what I mean, right?" She dumped the pot on the hotplate and left it to drip through.

Will shook his head, smiling, as Grace as she unzipped her briefcase and began piling files onto the mountain that was her desk. Rolls of fabric and pencils and paper and a laptop and empty coffee mugs and pens and stacks of notepads and empty portfolios and feathers and sequins and swatches and an eraser and pencil shavings and s pencil sharpener consumed the entire top surface of it. He didn't know how she managed to get anything done on that desk. He could only work when things were neat. When the bottom of his keyboard was running parallel to the edge of his desk and when his stationary was organised. But Grace… He guessed that that was what was so special about her. She could work anywhere and be completely disorganised and still turn out a room or an apartment or a house that looked perfect. Hell, she'd done well enough with his, right?

Will frowned and moved behind Karen's desk, squinting at something on the surface. Karen's desk was not as cluttered as Grace's and everything on it was coordinated, stacked in neat little boxes. The only thing Will didn't see on the desk was any type of work at all. There were bottles of pills with names the lawyer could never hope to pronounce on them, all surrounding the tall spire of a bottle of gin.

On the other side of the desk there was a neat pile of magazines. Cosmopolitan seemed to be the main theme, and Will had to stop himself picking up the copy on the top up and taking it to his office with him. How did Karen get the latest issues before they were due out anyway? Next to the boxes were pills with names vaguely pronounceable. Valium sat quite cheerfully next to Zoloft, Paxil sat merrily side-by-side with Xanax, Prozac sat happily next to various barbiturates. That must be her mood stabilising pile, he thought. Almost fondly, as it turned out. Which scared him more than a little. Was he developing a soft spot for Karen? With her alcohol and pill dependencies and her ability to let everyone know exactly what she thought in as few a words as possible?

Next to the phone was a large, round, grey object and when Will picked it up it was heavy. He tested the weight in his hand and tossed it into the air, letting it slap into the palm of his hand.

"Gracie, what's this?"

The designer looked up from her desk, where she was frantically looking for something underneath the mountain of junk that was her workspace. "Hm? Oh, that. It's a magnet. It's what Karen uses to keep her needles on. I used to have it for my paperclips, but…"

"Oh." Will suddenly realized what he was holding and threw it down onto the desk in disgust. It rolled and came to a stop.

The lawyer wiped his hand on the back of his pants and grimaced. "As much as I'd like to stay and chat I now have to go and get tested for all diseases under the Sun. So if you wouldn't mind letting me out?"

"Will, can you do it yourself? I've lost the pack of chocolate chip cookies I had on my desk… The more I look the more crumbs I find and there just aren't any cookies…" She was getting more and more choked up the further she got into the sentence.

"I'll stop by the market in my lunch break. They'll be cookies waiting for you at home." He kissed her on the top of her head.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Well, there better be."

"There will. I promise." Will poked Karen's needle magnet off the cardkey it had rolled onto with a pencil and dragged the key to the end of the desk and picked it up. He swiped it through the lock, waiting for the green light to blink at him so he could push the door. It stayed red. Will frowned, turning the card the other way up and running it through the machine. Nothing. He flipped the card over and ran it through, but still the light glared red at him. He glared back, but it didn't change to green.

"Grace, your security system doesn't like me."

"Will, if we listened to you, nothing would like you. Just swipe the damn card."

"I've tried! The light stays red!"

"And they think women are incompetent with technology. The gays are worse." She snatched the card from Will and ran it through the slot, flourishing at pulling the door, smirking. It didn't move. Grace continued to smirk, pulling the door more and more violently until it was rattling in its hardened-steel frame.

"Grace. Grace. GRACE!" Will had to yell to get the designer's attention and he gently took her hands and placed them by her side. "Okay, calm down. Think rationally. There's a problem with the system, so what can we do about it?"

"I'll call Karen. She has a key as well."

"Wait, you're going to trust _Karen_ to get us out of here? Is she even awake from the comas she has that passes for sleep?"

"Yes. As it happens she'll now be having her eggs injected with morphine before they're scrambled."

Grace put the phone to her ear, cradling it between her shoulder and her head and punched a button on the phone. She thought better of it as it dialled for her and put the receiver back down, punching the speakerphone button. There was a delay before it started ringing and then a cell phone started chirping in the room. Will dug in his pockets and pulled out his – it wasn't ringing. Grace hadn't had a cell phone since a rather unfortunate incident in which she'd discovered the vibrate function. It was still painful to talk about. In more ways than one.

The ringing suddenly stopped.

"Hello?"

"Karen, hey."

"Whatever you're selling, I don't want it. How did you get this number? Huh? I'll have you arrested and strung up by your nose."

There was a slight echo on the line that Grace assumed was from the call being made to a cell.

"Karen, it's me, Grace. There's a little problem with the door system down here."

There was a pause. "Well, what are you calling me for?"

Karen put her hand to her head and leant against the doorframe, clutching the stem of an empty martini glass in one hand. She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder like Grace was doing as massaged her temples with her now free hand.

"Karen, you've got the cardkey that can open the door. So can you hop in your limo, or your helicopter or your golf buggy or whatever the hell mode of transport you're using today and come and let us out?"

"Honey, I'm right here."

Grace turned around and screamed, and Karen took the cell away from her ear as the noise deafened her. Will turned too and blinked at the assistant, who was leaning against the doorway of the swatch room with her phone back to her ear.

Grace clamped down on Will's arm. "Will…"

"Hey! Watch the coat! Don't make me tell you again!"

"Sorry, I'm just… Karen? What are you doing here?

Karen spoke into her phone. "Can you hold on a minute, Grace? There are some really shifty looking people in your office… And after what happened with the man upstairs…"

Grace looked down at her watch and had to look again at the time. She shook the timepiece and held it to her ear. "Will, I think my watch it broken again. What time is it?"

Will rolled up his Grace-crumpled sleeve and looked at his own watch. "It's nine-thirty." The lawyer suddenly caught on to Grace's shock. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's Karen doing at work at nine-thirty?"

"Wha? It's nine-thirty already? I should have been home to Stan and the kids hours ago…" She spoke back into the phone. "Grace, I don't know who these people are, but why didn't you tell me to go home? With all this Daylight Savings time you don't even know it's gotten so late…" She crossed the room and shrugged on a black, thick furry and very heavy coat.

"Karen, it's nine-thirty in the _morning_. What are you doing here? Did you not go home?"

"Yeah, hold on just one more minute, honey. The redhead with the last season pumps is yapping away at me. Like I care." She laughed and reached for her purse under her desk.

Grace sighed tolerantly, punching the button to disconnect the call. "Karen, I _am_ Grace."

"Can you believe that? She hung up on me!" Karen tossed the phone down onto her desk. "She is off my Christmas card list!" She rummaged around in her purse. Wait; did you say nine-thirty in the morning? Good Lord. I'm three drinks behind!"

"Karen, did you stay in the swatch room all night?"

Karen looked up and then staggered backwards, shielding her eyes. She didn't look back at Grace until her thick dark sunglasses hiding her eyes.

"What do you think you're doing, wearing something that bright out in public?" Karen demanded, looking Grace's blouse up and down. "Who told you that you could pull of three citrus colours? Huh? Was it this guy with the briefcase?" She sidled up to Grace and whispered in her ear. "If it was just say the word and he's history, got it?"

Grace rolled her eyes. "Karen…" The designer turned her head and Karen screeched, clapping both hands over her already-darkened eyes to obscure the vision.

"Honey? Sequins in the… dare I say hairdo? Are you trying to blind me? Because bright things seem to be hurting this morning. I don't know what the matter with me is… I feel sick, my mouth is dry and my head is pounding like… like a great big pounding thing!"

"Karen… I think you're hung-over," Will said, not sure he believed the words that were coming out of his mouth. He dropped his briefcase to the floor. Had it finally happened? Had the alcohol level in Karen's blood finally dropped enough for her to start feeling the effects the next day? God, this was weird. It was like looking into bizarro world.

"You think I'm what?"

Will steepled his fingers, putting his thumbs under his chin and bringing his fingers up to touch his nose, musing. "Oh, boy. How am I going to explain this?"

"Karen, what you're feeling is what happens to the body when it's had too much alcohol. This is your body trying to get the alcohol out of your system."

"You think her alcohol levels have dropped that low?" Grace demanded, putting a hand to Karen's forehead.

"It's possible. Scarier things have happened."

"Like?"

"Uh… That time you found that big black spider in the bath and screamed and run through the entire apartment with just a small towel?"

Grace glared at him. "That was you."

"Oh, it's okay. I know what's happening here," Karen reached into her purse and pulled out a half-empty bottle of Smirnoff and poured some into the empty martini glass. She then tilted her head back and chugged half of the bottle's contents down her throat. Letting the bottle down she banged it hard onto her desk, making the pills rattle in the bottles. She bent at the waist slightly and clutched the edge of her desk, before straightening up and smiling. "Avoid hangovers. Stay drunk!" She clapped her hands together. "There you two are. I was getting sick of the other two that were in here." The assistant picked up the martini glass and offered it to Will. "Vodka?"

* * *

**Disclaimer - I don't own Will and Grace. Dammit.**

**Heh. Mindless rubbish that popped into my head. Review and if it's liked I'll see what I can do about a next chapter.**

**_Twisted Flame_ **


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh, no Karen. I don't consume alcohol as if it were air," Will said, nodding.

Karen scowled at him and picked the glass up by the stem, stirring it with her finger for lack of a cocktail stick loaded with olives. She sucked it slowly dry but the innuendo was lost on Will, who just stepped back in slight fear to go and stand by Grace.

"Grace, she's scaring me again," the lawyer hissed to his best friend.

"I know, but I left the garlic and holy water in my other bag," Grace whispered back, straightening and smiling at Karen. "Why exactly were you in the swatch room?"

Karen thought about it over a long draught of vodka. "Oh, Lord, honey. I don't know... I was just winding up for the day and getting rid of that awful fat man with the bad toupee that was doing all of this for you," she gestured at the electronic door lock. "I told him I'd left a ham in his truck… And then I thought I'd take my uppers for the night with some martini and the next thing I know there are all of these little tiny people dancing around me wearing purple kimonos and my cell phone is ringing..."

She picked up a prescription bottle and scrutinised the label, rattling the pills next to her ear. She clicked off the childproof cap and spilled a detritus of tablets across the wooden surface of the desk, sorting them out with a French-manicured nail into separate piles on the surface.

"Oh, I know what happened. See here? I downed when I should have upped. Ooh, up." She took a pill between finger and thumb, placed it on her tongue, tilted her head back and swallowed it without the aid of the vodka she had in her hand. "Stan's sister came round to discuss the imminent death of the mother-in-law and brought that awful kid of hers. He was bawling his eyes out and poking him with that pair of tongs wasn't helping any, so I gave him my pill bottles to play with. Quietened right down after that. Shrunk into a little corner, just like his pupils. You know, there were a couple of pills missing after that… And see? He goes and puts them back in the wrong bottle! Can't he tell that this isn't Dexamphetamine? Good Lord. They don't teach children anything anymore. So now I've got my pills confused and I don't know where I am and what is Wilma doing here?"

Will looked at his client for a couple of seconds before answering. "Uh-huh. So when you finally manage to find your way out of your drug-induced fog we need the card to get out of here, okay?"

Karen blinked, looking a little taken aback. "Well, I don't normally do this but what the hey. You're only young, rich and beautiful three or four times in your life, right? Unless you're Grace, of course. No offence, honey."

"Offence taken! But I figure you don't care, so why bother?"

Karen laughed. "Oh, honey. You know me so well…" The assistant located what she was looking for and handed it to Will.

The lawyer looked down at it, rolled his eyes and held it back out for Karen. "Karen, I didn't ask for your American Express."

"You said you wanted the card to get us out of here," Karen said, slightly confused.

"Yes. The card to get us out of here is not a credit card. We're in a situation money can't solve."

Karen choked on her vodka, nearly loosing precious drops of it to the rug. She slammed the glass down on the desk and the clear liquid inside sloshed about dangerously. "Wilma! Why would you say such a thing!"

Grace took Karen's hands and led her gently to her seat, guiding Karen into it. She spoke slowly and calmly, looking into her assistant's eyes and punctuating every few words by moving Karen's hands up and down. "Yes, Karen. Will is right. This is a situation that cannot be solved by the number of zeroes you have on your monthly balance. We're stuck and there is no currency that can help us now."

Karen appeared to be rapidly descending into a state of shock. "Honey, I… I… I don't understand."

"I know this is hard for you. Your husbands' millions have solved everything for you in the past but right now we need the cardkey that can get us out of this office before we have to start eating each other, okay?"

"Honey, I don't know what you're talking about!" Karen said, pushing up from her chair and startling Grace, stamping her foot on the floor. "I lost nearly all of last six days of my life while I was passed out in that room! And why would I eat you? I think my stomach would give up altogether if I ingested that blouse!"

"Huh. Well, you see, Karen, that's a funny coincidence because it turns out that a large chunk of the last six days of your life _was_ you passed out in that room," Will chimed in with, smiling at Karen.

Karen opened her mouth in outrage, but then closed it. "You know, I think you're right. I like you. I'm going to make you my lawyer."

"Karen, I already _am_ your lawyer," Will deadpanned, crossing to the coffeemaker and pouring himself a mug of the coffee Grace had put on earlier. He blew on the surface, whipping it up into a series of choppy brown waves and took a sip. He then spat the sip back into the mug and left it on the side. "Grace, you've been buying that cheap coffee again, haven't you? The one that tastes like someone dug dirt up from the communal garden and is masquerading it as a drink?"

Grace put her nose in the air and walked over to the central desk where she tried in vain to sift through the mess and find her cookies. "Maybe."

"Oh, good Lord. Just propose to her already!" Karen snapped, stalking over to Will's abandoned mug and emptying the contents of her martini glass into it. "See? Tastes just fine to me."

Will tucked a hand into his hip and used the other to pinch the bridge of his nose between finger and thumb. He closed his eyes wearily. He could already see his in tray, piled high with the cases he was meant to be working on right now. "Karen, do you have the cardkey or not?"

"Well, I don't know. If I do it's probably with the rest of them."

"Where _are_ the rest of them, Karen?" Grace asked.

Karen reached into her purse and pulled out a wallet. Inside a small, credit-card sized translucent plastic wallet was a MasterCard. "Right here, honey."

"Well, _that's_ not it," Will send, flicking a hand in the vague direction of Karen's wallet and going to pace across to the lift and back again.

"Huh…" Karen mused for a while, looking at the wallet and suddenly let another eight or so sections fold out from the top one. Cards of every colour cascaded down in plastic confines.

"See? Now we may be on to something."

Karen let another set of cards fall, ten this time. The wallet was brushing the tassels on the rug and Karen held it higher to let the last fifteen sections fall to the floor, trailing off the rug and onto the boarded floor, snaking its way under her desk. The wallet then opened up sideways, revealing the same number of cards running parallel to the first set. Will and Grace goggled.

Karen suddenly gasped. "Oh, look! Spare change!" She took five fifty dollar bills out of the wallet and carefully put them into her bra.

Will picked up the trailing end of Karen's wallet and Grace took the end Karen was holding whilst Karen went to go and sit on her desk and watch.

Will dismissed the first one. "MasterCard."

Grace was next. "Barneys' card."

"Debit card."

"ATM card."

"Visa."

"Hallmark Card."

"Gold Delta SkyMiles Card."

"AmEx rewards green."

"Ooh, and AmEx rewards gold."

"Diner's Club Card."

"Cheque guarantee card."

"Discover Card."

"And apparently, Karen," Will said, reading a card at arm's length, "you're a member of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance."

"Oh, that's Jack's."

When the wallet had been officially completely emptied and Karen had relived every single card she had ever spent money on with a fond smile, Grace threw it onto the floor and flopped down onto her chair.

"I never thought one person could carry around that much plastic without several major surgeries," the redhead complained, massaging her temples. "And half of them were made out to Anastasia Beaverhausen!"

"Oh, honey. Is it my fault that I'm on a couple of bad credit lists because I owe the companies a few thousand dollars?"

"Karen, you could pay them off with the interest your bank account makes in a month," Grace said tiredly, a headache forming.

Karen poured more vodka into her glass. "Oh, I know, but… I don't want to. The red letters amuse me. I shred them and mix them in with the helps' food, you know? To give it some colour?" She took a long drink. "Why is Wilma still here?"

Will closed his eyes and counted to ten. He had to keep his temper. Karen was probably completely stoned out of her mind. He had to remember that and be considerate. "Wilma is still here because he needs the card to get out of here so he can go to his own office and do his own work, okay?"

"Oh, Lord. He's PMSing." Karen rolled her eyes and hopped off of the desk, her heels clacking across the boards but then softened by the rug. "Do what I did, honey, and just get rid of the whole damned thing."

"Karen! Do you have the card or not!" Will demanded, finally losing his cool.

"Bup, bup, bup, bup," Karen raised a warning finger. "Be nice. A man in your shoes can't talk. And I mean that literally, honey. What are they? What's going on? What's happening with those?

"What do you mean? These are the latest things out of Milan!" Will protested, bending slightly and checking out his shoes.

Karen laughed. "Oh, you're a scream Wilma. No. _These_ are the latest things out of Milan," she pointed to her own two Gucci-clad feet, "_those_… you know? I don't know where they're from. If I had to stretch I'd go for somewhere like Burma or Pakistan. Somewhere they don't care about fashion."

Will was incensed. These were real Italian imports! And he had spent a fortune on them. How dare Karen rubbish them?

"Karen," Will sad slowly, his voice low. "Do you have the cardkey that's going to get us out of here?"

Karen looked taken aback. "Keys? Honey, I don't do keys. They're so working class…"

Will clamped a hand over the keys jingling in his pocket and Grace shifted paper over the set she had dumped on her desk.

"If it's a key Rosario has got it."

Will leaned on Karen's desk with one hand and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other. "Why didn't you tell us this before!"

"I didn't know you were looking for a key before!" Karen shot back, getting angry now. She looked Will up and down, sizing him up. Will had no doubt she could take him and stepped back behind Grace's sanctuary again, clearing his throat.

"Okay, we all need to take a deep breath," Grace said, demonstrating. She exhaled. "Now, Karen. Where is Rosario now?"

"I don't know, honey. Somewhere in the hospital. I'm having her stomach pumped today," Karen said, sitting down heavily on her chair and picking up a compact mirror, admiring herself from different angles. She pressed gently on her face with her fingertips.

"You're having her… Karen, why?"

"We're going to find out once and for all who ate that lamb joint," Karen informed Grace, liberally powdering her nose, "And if it were the fat one, so help me…"

Grace closed her eyes wearily. Yup, this was progress alright.


	3. Chapter 3

_**I just realised that I'd forgotten to thank anyone since this fic started. SORRY! You're all great, really, and you're what keep me writing. I realise I've taken a whole month to do this, and I'm sorry. I can't help it!**_

**Chapter 3**

Grace sighed, leaning against the radiator. She had her back to the warm metal and was staring forlornly down at the empty doughnut box in front of her on her lap. The lid was open, flapping against her ankles. The designer licked her finger again and ran it around under the rim of the box, desperately trying to scrape off the last of the powdered sugar that may have taken refuge there. She popped the finger in her mouth, sucked it clean and repeated the process.

"I'm hungry!" The redhead finally whined, tossing the box aside in disgust.

"Grace, we've been in her fifteen minutes," Will told her, pushing against the door and looking for weak spots around the frame. But the thing was solid all the way around and he sighed, giving it one last shove.

"I'm still hungry. I didn't have any breakfast."

"Grace, you ate three bagels, two rounds of toast and leftover pizza for breakfast," Will reminded her, sliding down to rest on the floor by the door.

"And those two Danishes in the fridge," Karen chimed in, averring Will's suspicions that Grace was currently the best-fed person in the room.

Grace held her head up a notch. "So?"

The pink doughnut box was mocking her and she made a grab for it, eking out sugar from the corner of the box with her nail, gouging at the cardboard.

"Are you _sure_ there's no way for you to contact Rosario, Karen?" Will asked hopefully, looking up at the assistant.

Karen looked up from a copy of _Vogue. _"Okay, honey. For the last time now. I don't waste effort repeating things that I've said a second time very often. If you weren't listening the first time then you don't deserve to hear me again. But because you're Wilma I'll tell you one last time, and this time I want you to watch my two thousand dollar lips. Okay? Okay… NO!" Karen huffed, turning a page. "Queers," she said in disgust.

"Oh my God. We're going to be stuck here forever, aren't we? And when they find us there's going to be nothing left but two skeletons and a corpse that looks like it's been pickled," Grace said, referring to Karen. "We're going to die in here, Will. I don't want to die! There's so much I haven't done! I-I-I didn't eat at that new kebab place and get diarrhoea just so you could say 'I told you so,' and, I-I-I didn't read _War and Peace…"_

"Oh, come on, Grace. Why would you want to read that? If you tried that, then you're door would swing shut."

"I don't want to die either, honey," Karen said. "There's a whole bottle of Bourbon at home that Rosario's going to drink… Or one of the kids… You know, I hope they don't. I put a little of Rosie's cleaning fluid in with it and left it there as a trap,and if the fat kid dies, Stan's going to need some extra loving. And guess who's going to have to do that? Because it certainly won't be his PA, not since she got all high and mighty and quit on him. Sexual harassment, I ask you."

Will smiled. "There was this cute guy doing crunches at the gym… I wish I'd given him my number…"

"Yeah… There was this guy at the gym I saw lying down then sitting up and then lying down and sitting up with his arms across his chest… I should have given him _my_ number…"

"Grace, they're called crunches. It's terminology used to anyone who isn't exercise shy. And he was so gay."

"Oh, yeah. So he's cute so he's got to be yours, right, Will?"

"Uh, no, Grace. He had highlights. HIGHLIGHTS!"

"Oh, and that makes him gay?"

"He was listening to Cher on his iPod."

Grace scoffed. "Straight men listen to Cher."

"Hey everyone! Let's turn those frowns upside down because I just got a ticket to a Cher concert!" Jack ran into the room, brandishing a ticket in front of him.

Grace groaned and rested her forehead on her knees. "I stand corrected. But the produce guy? So hetero. Right? Say yes. I need some hope in my life."

"Okay, and now back to me. You wouldn't believe how many people I had to sleep with to get this," Jack said, rolling his eyes and cradling the ticket like a newborn child.

"Seven?" Will asked with a fake smile.

Jack mused for a while. "If it's a threesome does it count as one person? Or two?"

"Well, I think— Wait! How did you get in here!"

"Uh, the elevator?" Jack said, jabbing a finger at it. "But seriously. Cher's going to pick me out of the audience to go up there and sing with her. So I need to know whether to wear the green sequins, or the— Will, where are you going?"

Will had sprung up and dashed to the elevator. The wooden gate was rapidly descending and he managed to get his arm caught in it as it closed. He yelped and pulled it free, tearing his new suit as the gate locked into place. The elevator whined and disappeared upwards.

"What's up with you, Will? It's just an elevator. Press the button and it will come again. Jeez," he turned to Karen. "What's up with him?"

"That time of the month, Poodle," Karen said, smiling and nodding and turning a page in her magazine.

"Okay, well I was wondering whether to wear the blue sequined one-piece I have or there's this new red one that I've been _dying_ to wear out since I got it. BUT neither of those are Cher's favourite colours at the moment according to her website… What's with the husband and wife duo evil glares?" Jack asked, pointing to Will and Grace.

"Jack, the elevator coming obviously somehow overrode the security system. But you let it close! GAH! I HATE YOU!" Grace threw the doughnut box at Jack but it missed.

Karen watched it sail past with mild amusement. "Hey Grace! When did you get here?"

Grace stalked away to the other side of her office. "I am calm. I am a good person, I am calm, I am calm, watch the calmness within me, I'm CALM. CAN YOU SEE HOW CALM I AM YOU IMBECELIC HOMO!"

"Gracie, breathe," Will reminded her gently, surveying the damage to his ruined sleeve.

"I DON'T WANT TO BREATHE! THAT FAIRY OVER THERE WALTZED IN HERE AND THEN LOCKS HIMSELF IN WITH US!"

"Grace, quit getting your panties in a twist," Karen demanded, slapping the _Vogue_ down onto her desk. She picked up a short bamboo pole from beside her that Grace had been contemplating working into one of her designs and held it out to the ranting redhead. "Take off your blouse, put it on this then wave it next to the window. No one's going to fail to notice that. You'll have planes plunging from thirty-thousand feet in horror." She continued to hold out the bamboo pole to Grace, waiting for the designer to take it.

"Kare, I don' think she likes the plan," Jack said, composing his features into the face he used when he was pretending to be thoughtful. "Maybe she's scared to get naked? It's okay, Grace. You've got nothing to hide."

"Well, not unless she's been stuffing her bra again," Karen said, laughing. Jack and Karen high-fived.

"Oh, I love you, Kare. You're so witty…"

"I love you too Poodle…" They air-kissed. There was a pause until Karen yelled, "TICKLE FIGHT!" The assistant proceeded to assault Jack's ribs with her fingers until he was squirming and squealing.

"Kare! Stop it!"

"God, it's like a preschool in here!" Will said. "Karen, sit down. Jack, go over there."

"Ooooooh, _someone_ isn't getting any," Jack said in a singsong voice, mocking Will as he skipped to the window and looked out. There was a lull in the conversation that was punctuated with Grace muttering death threats under her breath. "So, Karen, what colour do you suggest I go with tonight?"

"Tonight, honey?"

"Yeah, the concert's tonight. I am like so excited. It's gonna be totally awesome."

"Well, honey, I'd go with what you're wearing now."

"This?" Jack said, gesturing to his clothes. "Karen, _I'm going to get picked to meet Cher._ I don't think this quite cuts it, do you?"

"No, honey, but you're not going to the concert, so why does it matter?" Karen asked, smiling as she lined her eye with a black eye pencil.

Jack put a hand to his heart and struggled to breath. His legs gave way and he managed to stagger over to Karen's desk, where he collapsed, the edge of the table was the only thing saving him from hitting the floor. "What?"

"You see, honey, the thing is… we're stuck in here and are never ever going to get out. Okay?"

Jack's eyes bulged out of his head and his breathing became more and more erratic as he looked at Karen in disbelief and fainted onto the rug.

_**Okay, I have lots of people to thank. You're all really good to me!**_

**Rusty Nail****: - Thank you! It means a lot to me that you say that because I was worrying that I wasn't getting them right.**

**Stony Angel****: - Hey, honey! Thanks for reviewing. Love you!**

**JerseyGrl00320****: - Well, now it's them plus one. I can so see them killing one another… Thanks for reviewing. And you did so twice! YAY! You can be my new best friend. Thank you!**

**Sundown****: - Heh. And there's Jack! Hope you liked him. Thanks for your review — it was so kind. Look! Another person who reviewed twice! Thank you so much. I'm going to end up with lots of best friends after this… Heh. Thank you!**

**Aldrea7****: - Look! It's you! Mwahahahaha… Anyways, moving on… Thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I was going to post this tomorrow and make sure it was really done properly, but I didn't want to finish it and find out that I can't post it because is down for its upgrade it's doing puprosefully just to confuse me because it knows it's easy. Heh. So excuse it being a little rough around the edges.**_

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Karen looked down over the top of her magazine and would have frowned if there were any lines left in her forehead to allow her to do so. She rolled her eyes and slapped the glossy down on her desk and stood up, holding her hands out. "It's okay, everyone. I know just what to do. I've had thorough training in this."

"Karen—"

"Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup," Karen said, waving her hand at Grace and she knelt down next to Jack. The assistant took a deep breath, held out her right hand and slapped Jack as hard as she could across the face.

Jack woke up with a start and a gasping breath and Karen nodded satisfactorily and sat back down at her desk, inspecting the damage that that had done to her manicure.

"Oh my God, Kare, it's you," Jack said with a slight laugh. "I was just having this most awful dream. I thought you said that I wasn't going to the Cher concert," Jack said, laughing again at how ridiculous it was.

"You're not," three annoyed voices told him in unison.

"Wha… buh… You… We, I…" Jack's eyes rolled back inside his head and he fainted again.

"Oh, good Lord. Someone else revive him this time. It's going to cost a hundred bucks to have my hand fixed," Karen said, grabbing a nail file from her pen pot and carefully filing her nails, trying to reduce the work for her manicurist and hopefully the bill.

"Oh, leave him. He was starting to get on my nerves anyway," Grace said, pacing her office. She was trying to remember if she had left any pizza in the box from yesterday's lunch. "Wait! I've got it! Karen, do we still have the number of the company we used to do this stupid system?"

Karen stamped her foot on the floor. "Honey, he turned up on the doorstep with a bag of tools and a pot belly. What do you think?"

"He didn't give you a number? Or, or, or a pager?"

The phone started ringing and Karen looked back down at her nails, choosing which one needed the most attention.

"Karen? The phone?" Grace said, gesturing towards it.

"Yeah, I hear it honey. Will someone get that? Wilma?"

Grace growled and snatched the phone off the hook. "Grace Adler Desi— Wait… it's gone dead. Hello?" Grace was jiggling with the phone, putting the receiver back down and picking it up again only to hear no dial tone. She started pushing the plugs in deeper into the device.

"Oooh! Look!" Karen squealed. "Memo!" She peeled a Post It note from one of the pages of her magazine and read it out. "Hm… Your phone bill is overdue and the company is going to cut you off unless you pay them within thirty days." She smiled and looked up at Grace. "Okay? Got that, honey?"

The redhead swallowed her anger and put the phone gently back down on its cradle. "Karen… I'm fighting very hard not to strangle you right now…"

"I'm sensing a lot of unresolved anger from over there," Karen said thoughtfully. What's the matter, honey? No boobs? Red hair?" The assistant nodded concernedly. "It's sad when life doesn't deal you all the cards, isn't it?"

"You know, Karen, that's a very nice necktie you've got on there. Wouldn't it be a shame if someone spilt coffee on it?" Grace said with a fake smile.

Karen gasped, standing up and putting her hand over her necktie. "You wouldn't!"

"Watch me," Grace snapped, grabbing her mug of coffee and advancing on Karen.

"I have my lawyer present," Karen stuttered. "Don't think I won't sue you! Wilma! Do something! Issue a restraining order, or—"

"Hm… Is that an untied shoelace I see?" Will said, bending down to inspect his tied shoe. "I don't know…"

Grace continued forward, brandishing her mug of coffee. This was so payback time. A few drops of coffee on the precious emerald silk would teach Karen the perfect lesson.

Karen backed away into the wall. "Now, honey. You don't want to do this. It's me! Your friendly, helpful assistant! Yeah?"

Grace dipped her hand into the mug and took it out with drops of coffee on the end of each finger. She walked forward threateningly, splashes from the end of her fingers dripping back into the mug. "You're going down," Grace told her, stepping towards Karen again.

Suddenly the designer tripped over Jack's unconscious form and the coffee flew out of the mug, spattering against the wall and a little on Karen's sleeve. Karen shrieked as if she were being murdered and looked at it, before running to her purse and searching through it.

"You'll pay for that, Grace Alfren!" Karen yelled, pulling out a twenty dollar bill and sponging her sleeve with it. "You just wait. If there weren't three Graces and one of me I would so have kicked your asses, I swear…" Karen crumpled the money and let it fall. It missed the bin under her desk and bounced twice. "I'm going to sic Rosario on you, and then you'll be sorry."

"Did I just her money falling?" Jack asked, waking up with a jerk. "I think I heard a… fifty. No, wait. A twenty. Who dropped a twenty? Come on, who was it?"

"Alfren! Karen, my last name is Alder!" Grace said, slamming the mug down on the table.

Will frowned. "Sweetie, no, it's—"

"You stay out of this!" Grace said, pointing at Will. "Karen, my last name is Adler!" She shouted, punctuating her statement with a stamp of her foot. "And don't you forget it!"

"Fine! Grace Adler, you can no longer expect a Christmas card from the Walkers," Karen said, putting on a pair of large dark glasses and tossing a scarf over her shoulder. "Now, if you excuse me, I have to drop my jacket off at the drycleaners before my facial."

"Karen, the door's locked," Will reminded her flatly.

Karen stopped trying to open it and sagged in disappointment, pouting. "Oh, right. I'm stuck with you freaks…" She blew out a breath through her lips and rested her head on her hand, deliberately not looking at Grace. "I know! Who wants to play a game?"

Jack got up off the floor and started jumping up and down. "Ooh! Me! I do, Kare! Pick me! I'm the smartest and prettiest one here! Pick me!"

"Okay, Jackie. See if you can get this one." Karen looked around the room and then said, "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… 'F'."

"'F'…" Jack said, looking around and tapping his lips with his index finger. "Hm… 'F'… You really picked a toughie, Kare…" Suddenly he stabbed his finger at Grace. "WAIT! I KNOW! FUSCHIA IS NOWHERE NEAR GRACE'S COLOUR AND YET SHE WEARS IT ANYWAY!" He reeled off quickly, his eyes alight.

"Well done!" Karen squealed, applauding. "Now, quick. Do one for me."

"Hm… Well… Okay. I spy with my beautiful little eye surrounded with freshly permed eyelashes … something beginning with… 'L'."

"'L'… Hm… L… Let me thi- WAIT! LARGE-ASSED QUEEN WITH IMITATION ITALIAN SHOES!"

"YAY! You got it, Kare!"

"These are genuine!" Will seethed, jabbing a finger at them, but his protests were lost as Karen and Jack touched stomachs in the middle of the room, jumping around so much that Karen's sunglasses slipped off her nose and hung precariously from her ears.

The assistant readjusted her eyewear with dignity and sailed back over to her desk, where she crossed her legs and cleared her throat; picking up a magazine from her in tray and flipping open the front cover.

"Oh, you're so amazing, Kare…" Jack said fondly with a sigh, sitting down next to Karen's desk.

"I know, Jackie. It's not easy looking into a mirror every morning and having to accept that. People assume it is, but…"

"I should be at work right now," Will grumbled miserably, sliding back down the wall and flicking imaginary lint off his new shoes.

"Yeah, and so should Grace," Karen said, looking up. "Get to work. This company doesn't run itself, you know." She turned to Jack. "You just can't get the staff, can you?"

"Mmm… Is this bitterness I'm sensing after you had to fire Maid Two — the boss-eyed one?"

"I don't know, honey. It was just such a shock, waking up in the morning and seeing that."

"Oh my God, I know Kare. I mean, why did she think that roses would be appropriate stand-ins for orchids? Pscht. I mean hello? Which planet are you _from?_"

"I don't know. It's some cheap one. She used to think she was getting paid so much money… She's the only one who would slave for a dollar fifty an hour and she sent it all to help her mother…" She put on a thick, indistinguishable accent. "Oh, but mees Karun. Mah mother, shee needz za medicun."

"Will, give me your cell," Grace said as Jack and Karen shrieked with laughter.

"What's wrong with yours?"

"I don't want to pay the bill on mine," Grace duhed, holding out her hand. Will rolled his eyes and dug it out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"If I can call the enquiries service, maybe they can find the guy."

Will shrugged. "Good enough for me."

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_**I'm actually having trouble figuring out where this is going to go. Suggestions are most welcome.**_

**Sundown: - Thank you for still being here to review this! It means a lot to me that you had the patience to stick with me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Grumble. I guess I started something I shouldn't have done. But oh well. I'm glad you're all still liking this.**

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Grace pursed her lips. "I see. Thank you." She gently closed Will's phone and handed it to him, smiling widely. It was too wide for Will, who could tell something big was going down. "It turns out there was no company," she said slowly and deliberately. "They've never heard of 'Securicon Limited'. Heh. Isn't the funny? Isn't it? I got conned by an untraceable guy."

Karen looked at her and just cracked up laughing. "Ha ha! You sure know how to pick them, don't you, Gracie?"

Grace was about to explode, but Jack stepped in front of her and clapped his hands. "Okay, I'm sensing that no one's talking about me," Jack said, waving a vague hand at the room. "And what's with that, hm?" His voice rose to a shriek and he stamped his foot. "PAY ATTENTION TO ME, DAMMIT! I'M MISSING OUT ON A CHER CONCERT!"

"Jack, you're also missing out on half a brain," Will snapped. "Now quieten down so we can think."

"You're a nasty, bitter man, Will Truman," Jack said, pointing a finger at the lawyer. "A nasty, bitter, _fat_ man."

"I vote we use Jack as a battering ram," Will said brightly. "Whoever agrees raise your hand and say 'I'."

Three 'I's came from different points in the room and Jack put his hand to his heart, shocked. "_Karen?"_

"Yeah, well, sorry Poodle. You just have a flat head. But I still love ya."

"Mmm… Thanks, Kare."

"Karen, can you call the hospital? See when Rosario's coming round from… whatever?"

Karen sighed. "Oh, alright." She flipped open her cell and punched in some numbers. "Hello, this is Karen Walker, here. Uh-huh. Oh, hey. Mm-hm. They're doing just fine. Yeah… how's the guy you took them out of? Still on dialysis? Aw… shame… No, but anyway I was wondering what time my maid is going to be done getting her stomach pumped. Uh-huh? Mm-hm. Yup. Okay. Rosario. Yeah. No, I don't know her last name." She looked at the receiver as if it were stupid. "Mm-hm. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. Okay. Mm-hm. Toodles." She hung up.

"They've got four Rosarios in there today," Karen said, shrugging. "Couldn't tell them apart."

Grace slouched, meeting another dead end. Her stomach growled.

"Lord, can't you tame that thing?" Karen asked, stabbing at it with the antenna on her cell. "I'll hit redial. See if I can get it stapled for you. On me. Okay?"

"I'm _not_ having my stomach stapled," Grace said.

"Boob job?"

"No."

"Ass implants?"

"No."

"I know! Some collagen!"

"Karen, NO! I'm fine just the way I am!"

"Isn't it sad when they believe that?" Jack said to Karen, shaking his head pityingly. "Grace, Grace, Grace…"

"Finish that sentence and I'll force you to eat a stapler."

Jack gave a small laugh. "Meow. God, Grace. You're not even having the tiniest bit of sex at the moment, are you?"

"Will? I'm going to kill them."

"It was self-defence," Will said immediately. "I saw them about to kill you. You had to do it."

"Good."

"Oh my God!" Jack said, looking at the clock. "The concert starts in two and a half hours. I'm never going to have time to get ready now…"

"Thank God for permanent makeup," Karen said, smiling at herself in her compact. "Have a drink. It'll calm you down." The assistant walked over to a vase of flowers and pulled them out of their vase, dumping them on the floor. She picked up a glass pot of Grace's pencils and looked at them, throwing them over her shoulder and then setting the pot down and decanting some of the clear liquid into them. "Here."

Grace snatched the drink from Karen and sniffed it. She dipped her finger in and then licked it clean. "Karen! This is gin!"

Karen blinked. "Really? I thought it was vodka. I assumed the gin was in the water cooler…"

"You put vodka in my _water cooler?"_ Grace asked in disbelief, setting down the drink and striding over to the cooler and using the tap to pour herself a plastic cup full. It tasted like normal water. "No, you didn't."

"Red tap, honey," Karen said, pointing at it.

"Isn't that for hot water?" Grace asked, tipping the contents of her cup into the drainage grid and refilling it from the red tap and taking a sip. "Okay, wow. Yup, that's vodka alright…" She looked at the cup, shrugged, and tossed it back, wincing as it burned.

"Give me that," Jack said, striding over to her and snatching her cup and sipping the little liquid that was left in the bottom. "Vodka. Wow…"

"Oh, this should be fun," Will said sarcastically. "The most alcohol Jack's ever had is that time he had five light beers and ended up asleep wearing a sailor's uniform in a cargo hold."

"Yeah, but I soon found the sailor whose uniform it was," Jack said, getting some more vodka from the tap. "And let me tell you, there was some fine seamen on _that_ ship, you know what I'm saying?"

"Oh, God," Grace said, wanting to claw out her eyes. "I do."

"You know," Jack said, frowning a little and drinking some more vodka. "I feel a little woozy. But strong, and empowered at the same time. You know?"

"Like I said, this should be fun," Will said grimly.

"You know what, Grace?" Jack said suddenly, thrusting the cup into her hand. "I'm going to that Cher concert whether you like it or not!"

"I didn't say I didn't like it…" Grace said, staring at the empty spot where Jack had been.

"Don't you take that tone with me, young lady," Jack said, picking up a wooden chair and holding it by the back. He swung it at the window, but the chair bounced back and juddered.

"You had toughened glass installed?" Will said in exasperation.

"No. It's just regular glass," Grace said, tossing back the second load of vodka that evening and walking over to the window. "It's just that this fairy is fluttering about so gently he's not breaking a thing."

"Why don't you sing, honey? That should splinter it right down the middle," Karen said, closing her compact and resting her elbows on her desk, leaning her chin on her hands.

Grace snatched the chair from Jack's hands and swung it back and then spun, sending the chair crashing through the glass pane. Shards exploded outside and fell down into the street and suddenly, a wailing, screeching alarm filled the air, causing Grace to drop the chair out of the window in surprise.

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**writerchic16: - Lol! That's okay, because I don't normally write Will and Grace fanfics. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Sundown: - Not entirely sure WHERE exactly we're going with this, but I'll ramble on until we find an end. Hopefully… Thank you for your review!**

**JerseyGrl00320: - Well, I kinda slacked off writing it. Oops. Heh. Thank you!**

**Aldrea7: - Oh, sober Karen. Mm-hm. I can so see that happening…**

**Unbroken: - Thank you!**

**GracieAdler: - I wish I was. Think of the money! But, no. I'm not. . I just happen to have a couple of people very similar to them all in my life, which helps no end. Thanks for reviewing!**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Yeah, I know it's been a while. I'm really sorry, but, hey, this is finally done! YAY! Well, aw as well, I suppose. Thank you all for being so supportive in your reviews._**

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"When I told you to sing, Grace, I didn't mean it!" Karen yelled over the alarm, holding her hands over her ears.

"I've heard Grace singing in the shower and, believe me, this alarm is A LOT better, Kare," Jack shouted, plugging his own ears with his fingers.

"Hey! I'll have you know, I am an excellent singer!" Grace said, outraged.

"Sweetie, you have a voice that makes dogs' ears bleed," Will said gently, trying to be tactful.

"Yeah, and the dogs are the lucky ones!" Jack said. "Can't someone just shut that thing up!"

Grace walked over to the alarm's keypad on the wall and punched in her code, hitting enter. Instead of turning off the alarm, it just turned itself up a notch and the keys all turned red, the LCD screen blinking at her.

"It's locked me out!" she said in outrage, kicking the wall in frustration. "The stupid thing has locked me out!"

"Honey… no. That's just not classy, is it? Let me." Karen scooted over to the alarm on her wheeled chair and paused, staring at the box for a while. She made a thinking noise that was lost in the alarm's screeches and then reached into her purse, which was on her lap, and pulling out a Police-issue riot baton. She smiled at it before swinging it at the controller and completely smashing it. It fell to the floor, leaving only two wires sticking out of the wall. The alarm faltered and failed and Karen smiled to herself, put her baton back into her bag and scooted back over behind her desk.

"Do you actually use that for busting heads, Karen?" Will asked as the assistant languidly tucked hair behind her ear and turned a page in her magazine.

"Only Girl Scouts that try to sell me cookies. And those people who started waving cross thingies in my face and telling Satan to get out of my body… They were so nuts…" Karen smiled at the reminiscing as Grace plopped down onto her chair.

"I'm hungry," the redhead said. "I mean, like, really, really hungry. Like eating a whole cow hungry."

"Instead of just half of one?" Will asked.

Grace ignored him. "Like, wasting away hungry. Look at me. I'm skin and bones. I'm, I'm, I'm Geri Halliwell, only prettier and younger."

Jack burst into outrageous laughter that only ceased when Grace glared at him. He put a hand over his mouth. "Oh my God. You're not joking. You really think you're losing weight?"

"Do you wanna come over here and say that?" Grace demanded. "You wanna go, you fairy?"

Jack looked behind him, and then turned back to Grace, who had her hands in karate chop poses and was moving them around in front of her. "Oh, you mean me! Will someone translate, because…" He made circular gestures around his ear with his index finger and then shrugged, as if to ask, 'What can you do?'

"She wants to pull your hair and scratch you a little bit," Will said tiredly, with a heavy sigh. "Does anyone have some Tylenol?" Karen opened her mouth and raised her hand half in the air. "Does anyone _but_ Karen have some Tylenol?"

Grace was too busy karate chopping the air to answer, and Jack was looking Grace up and down.

"Oh, yeah? Come on, bring it on, girlfriend." Jack beckoned Grace, flipping imaginary hair behind his shoulders. "Come on then, you ho."

"Slut."

"Whore."

"Bitch."

"Slag."

"Bint."

"Harlot."

"Pro."

"Trollop."

"Strumpet."

"Nice," Grace said. "Tart."

"Thank you," Jack said. "Floozy."

"Flamer."

Jack gasped and put his hand to his heart, as if deeply wounded. "Grace! How dare you insult my sexuality, you slimy hetero!"

"Queen."

"Hag."

"What… _exactly_ do you have instead of Tylenol, Karen?" Will asked, caving.

"Well, I don't know _exactly_, honey, because the label fell off, but…" she opened her desk drawer, selecting a brown bottle, "these are _good._ Made me spend all day thinking I was a horse called Stephen."

Will pulled a face, listening to Jack squeal as Grace reached for a handful of his hair. "Give me two."

Karen was shaking out two pills onto her desk when the door suddenly burst open with a splintering of glass and the slamming of steel on plaster. The assistant squealed. "I'm innocent! That man was already lying in the road! He was already dead, I tell you! Already dead!"

Will half-expected her to turn into a bat and flap, shrieking with laughter, from the room, leaving behind her fur coat.

"Is there a problem here, officer?" Will asked of the cop that had just burst through the door. Peering through the now-broken glass, Will could see some kind of battering ram lying on the floor outside, and the two other cops who had used it.

"You're all under arrest for breaking and entering. You have the right to remain si—"

"Oh my God! That gun is just to _die_ for. Now _that's _a weapon that will go with _any_thing," Karen said, her mouth open in amazement.

"I know!" the cop said, stamping a foot. "It's it just? Can you just see what it's doing to these Guccis?"

Karen gasped in wonderment, but then cocked her head suspiciously, eyes narrowed. "What does it do to Prada?"

"Lady, until you've matched those, you haven't _lived._ NOW HANDS IN THE AIR!"

Karen stood up and let her coat fall from her body. She leaned backwards over her desk. "Why, officer?" She licked her lips. "Do you want to—" she kicked a leg high in the air. "—search me?"

"Uh, no, ma'am."

"Search me!" Karen yelled. "NOW!"

"I'll just search him first," the cop said, gesturing with his gun at Will.

"Oh, officer, I assure you, there's really no need—" but the cop was already patting him all over his body and Will shifted uncomfortably. "Well…"

"Do me! Do me!" Karen said, jumping up and down.

"I'll search you," a female officer said, stepping into the office.

"Shouldn't you be standing in a queue at the Home Depot? Get out of here, you les!" Karen said, waving a dismissive arm.

"Uh, officer," Will cleared his throat, "I really don't think— oh. OH."

Suddenly, Jack popped up from behind Grace's desk making choking sounds and scrabbling with the fingers wrapped around his throat. He went back down again and Grace popped up, raising her fist and punching downwards until she was suddenly gone again, replaced by Jack who had some red hair clutched in his fist.

"Oh my God! I can see the roots! GRACE IS A BRU—"

Grace's hand reached up and grabbed the back of Jack's head, slamming it into the edge of her desk. "FINISH THAT SENTENCE AND DIE!" There was a beat, and she let go of Jack's head. Jack fell to the floor. "Good morning, officer. Is there a problem here?" She batted her eyelids for effect, smiling her best smile.

"Don't try it," Karen said disgustedly. "He's a queen."

"I don't know where you get off making assumptions about my sexuality, lady, but—"

Karen pulled her top down some more. "You see these? Yeah? Well, most men are drooling on them by now. Are you? Nooooo… You can't be straight, honey. You just can't."

"Karen, maybe he doesn't find you attractive," Grace said.

Karen fell off her chair in surprise, her coat luckily breaking her fall. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, _honey_," she said dangerously.

"THAT'S IT!" the cop yelled. "You're all under arrest for breaking and entering. You do not have to say anything, but any—"

"Breaking and entering into _my own_ office?" Grace said, snorting. "I don't _think _so, officer."

"Yeah? Well, tell that to the guys that came to answer your new alarm. Tell that to the people that are going to realise that you've been looking through that desk for valuables. Tell that to the guys that realised you had crudely disabled the alarm system here. Tell that to the cop you threw a chair on — a.k.a ME!" He stabbed a finger at the cut on his head.

"My desk _always _looks like this!" Grace said, sighing heavily. "It's creative chaos!"

"No, sweetie, it's mess," Will pointed out gently.

Grace paused as the gravity of the situation hit her, and then looked at Karen. "He's not into these at all?" the redhead asked, pointing at her chest.

"Not a bit, honey," Karen said sadly.

Grace closed her eyes and stamped her foot, pacing around her desk. "Dammit! Look, okay. Give me a second and I can prove I own this place. I've just got to find the papers, and, and my driving licence and…"

Will saw Karen sweeping pills into a compartment in the lining of her coat as Grace accidentally knocked an entire stack of papers to the floor.

"It's here somewhere…" the designer said desperately, stepping over her floored friend on the other side of the desk.

"Cuff 'em."

"No! No, no, I, I, just give me a _second…_"

The two other officers were supporting the groggy Jack, whilst the first cop put handcuffs on Grace and read them their rights. Karen stood there looking bored.

"I want to call my lawyer," the assistant said. "WILL! WILL, I'M BEING ARRESTED!"

"Ow! Karen, I can't afford to buy new eardrums like you!"

The assistant was groping around on her desk behind her back and latched onto another pill bottle, slipping it into her pocket. Grace was too busy protesting her innocence to see.

"I'm going to miss my concert! I'm going to kill you, Grace!" Jack said, finally coming round some more. "Flat chest!"

"Yeah! Well I can see a BALD SPOT on you, JACK MCFARLAND," Grace yelled as they were both led out the door.

"AT LEAST _MY_ HAIR IS NATURAL!"

"YOU'RE GOING _DOWN!"_ Grace yelled back.

"Officer?" Karen said sweetly. "Just come over here." She motioned with her head and smiled reassuringly at him. "In my bra there's a new pair of shoes if I, say, got my own cell. As in, not put in with the crazies that just left. And a bottle of gin? How about it, huh?"

The cop pulled a face but extended his shaking hand until he was brushing Karen's top. "Silk?" he asked nervously.

"One of a kind, honey. Now. Just slip your hand in… Yeah, that's it…" The cop extracted the wad of bills Karen had put their earlier and shoved them in his pocket.

"Second base! I'm so proud of you!" Karen said in delight, sneaking another bottle of pills from the desk behind her.

"Oh, oh. Yeah. You know, if I were to share a cell with her, there's totally a new shirt in it to match the shoes," Will said, watching Karen surreptitiously stash her… stash.

The cop reached into Will's back pocket. "That's not where I keep my money."

"Oh." He didn't remove his hand.

"Breast pocket. Oh, for God's sake!" Will reached in himself and got out his wallet, throwing bills in the cop's face and then snatching up a pill bottle from Karen's desk.

They clinked bottles together and Karen smiled. "Oh, Wilma. You're learning."

And they were led out of the office and into the waiting car.

* * *

**Aldrea7: —  Hee. I've never heard that song. Thanks for reviewing.**

**addictedtowriting09: — Heh. They amuse me greatly on the show, so I'm glad I managed to get that across in my writing.**

**Sundown: — HEH! Thank you! It's done now, though… Sigh. Oh well. Thank you so much for reviewing.**

**gracieAdler: — Well, my mother is often compared to Karen by my friends and I have a couple of Graces in my life. So, heh, it all helps. Thank you so much for reviewing.**

**Sugar-Coated-Goodbyes: — HEH. Thank you so much.**

**Irene: — Heh. I know it took a while, but I managed it. Thank you!**

**FadeToBlack315: — Aw, thank you so much. And if you're screen name is the song I'm thinking about, I love it.**

_**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. You've all been great to me.**_


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